BBQ From HellSubmitted by justindude28 on Fri, 05/08/2009 - 00:19 |
When the news finally breaks out that the United States Government isn't going to be able to save us from an impending zombie invasion, My family and I know just what to do: hunker down and shoot the crap out of everything that moans. My plan is simple, and consists of 3 important elements and 1 failsafe.
Element 1- My dad does frequent community service at a dry-pack food cannery, and as a result our family has been given a one year supply of food for seven people. the food's average shelf-life is about 13 years, so it will not go bad. In addition to our plentiful food supply, we also have emergency toiletries that can be made into an outhouse in the back yard. Also, lots of medical junk. Lots.
If our food isn't enough, we have these crazy neighbors from Louisiana who go hunting like, every week (no joke) and they always bring home a ton of food with them. They are going to be the first people I invite to our house, so that while my family and friends are busy killing zombies, we will smell delicious BBQ over the smell of rotting dead. Also, we won't have to worry about ever running out of food because we have a massive fruit and veggie garden in our back yard, and we recently planted an orange tree and a banana tree. They are in good shape and have already yielded fruit this year.
Also, I have considered comfort in my plan. We have 2 gasoline powered generators and 1 bicycle powered generator that we will use to power electric fans so that we don't get too hot. In Texas, outdoor temperature can reach above 105 degrees F during the summer, and we don't want to get heat stroke.
Element 2- Our house is surrounded by a 8-foot tall wooden fence. I acknowledge that a wooden fence is not the sturdiest, but we have a special counter-measure ready so that we don't have to worry about our fence getting torn down. What is this counter measure? 9 foot long lengths of rebar, stuck in the ground at the base of the fence and tilted at a 90 degree angle outward. The spikes are 1 foot from each other. The stupid zombies will march directly into the iron spikes and impale themselves, thus keeping them from reaching the fence.
In addition to a spike parameter, I will set up lethal traps around our lot.
Also, Our property is surrounded by a 3 foot ditch that we can fill with oil/kerosene/anything flammable. Zombies who walk through it will be engulfed in flame and quickly meet their demise.
Element 3- Firearms. I love them. My dad loves them. My mom loves them. My brothers love them. And, understandably, we have many. Among these weapons is my favorite, a surprisingly-well maintained home made flamethrower (P.S. It's legal where I live. I checked.), complete with spare nitrogen tanks and 50 spare magnesium-filled igniters. If a zombie manages to breech our spiky parameter, he will have at least 7 bullets and half a liter of burning gasoline in, and around his person. And it won't be just MY family defending our home, quite a few of my friends who live nearby are planning on coming over to my house with their families, food, and guns.
I know this is what you have been waiting for....
The Fail Safe! What am I going to do if my plan fails? I will light the fuse on the pipe bomb attached to our 3 50-gallon drums of gasoline and allow the zombies to fill our property. Once the fuse burns out, BA-DOOOOOOM! the pipe bomb and gasoline will create a giant flaming explosion that will consume all 4 acres of our property. Of course, all of the NON ZOMBIES (AKA family and friends) will have ran away as fast as we can from our has-been fortress. I just need to make sure that someone video tapes the blast and puts it on Youtube.



not bad
not bad-but if you like this youll love mine.i only have one right now,but i ensure there will be more in the neer future.subscribe!
Shoot,kill,destroy
I realized I hadn't voted for
I realized I hadn't voted for you yet!
VOTED!!
Thanks dood!
I like votes. they are good for me!
It seems as though the plans that involve large fortress-devices wind up with a large amount of votes. Ecretsu, my house, that one guy's castle... People just like big house-thingies I guess.
Damn an blast, that was the best idea I had all week...- blades_dont_need_reloading
It's ok. It's only the internet.
Great Plan. And just in case
Great Plan.
And just in case you do have to run away and create an awesome explosion, you and all you bring are welcome in Ecretsu. Do come and bring all the supplies and knowledge you have. lol
There will be many more deathly explosions.
holy crap
One of the best, and most realistic plans ive ever heard/read.
It's crazy people like us that will one day save the world from the not so eminent threat of a zombie apocalypse.
Not bad at all!
It's very good, I'm not going to lie. However, how are you going to make the spikes?
Remember, it could always suck more
Spikes
We have them already, they are based on 9 ft lengths of rebar, 1 inch diameter. All we have to do is grind them to a point! thanks for the vote, and good hunting.
Damn an blast, that was the best idea I had all week...- blades_dont_need_reloading
It's ok. It's only the internet.
hey bro if you just have
hey bro if you just have rebar, your gona have to weld like cross bars on there or somthing or there just going to slide right down ur spikes and tear up ur fence
A warrior considers himself already dead, so there is nothing to lose. The worst has already happened to him, therefore he's clear and calm; judging him by his acts or by his words, one would never suspect that he has witnessed everything.
hey...
that's not a bad idea! actually, that's awesome! thanks a ton, I never thought of that before!
Damn an blast, that was the best idea I had all week...- blades_dont_need_reloading
It's ok. It's only the internet.
no problem man. but i have a
no problem man. but i have a question, how exactly did you make your flame thower? and do you have directions? nothen better then charred zombies.
A warrior considers himself already dead, so there is nothing to lose. The worst has already happened to him, therefore he's clear and calm; judging him by his acts or by his words, one would never suspect that he has witnessed everything.
you guys are obssses with
you guys are obssses with flame throuwers but you forget that to kill a zombie you must remove the head or destroy the brain and fire wont remove the head or destroy the brain
You pissed off the Badger - Cake
flamethrowers
Actually, flamethrowers will kill zombies alot quicker than you think they will. Once the temperature of your bones reaches about 160 F, they start to splinter and pop. The skull sends shards of bone into the brain, slicing it up.
Not to mention the fact that your brain turns to pudding once it gets to 170 F. Actually, organic cells rupture at 160 F, and that includes bone cells.
Temperature of average flamethrower area of effect- 1600 F.
Damn an blast, that was the best idea I had all week...- blades_dont_need_reloading
It's ok. It's only the internet.
flamethrowers/fire in real life
lol dude, calculate a few things:
A weapon that is 1- homemade and 2- dishing out 1600F has some flaws
One being its consistency of shooting out flames- will the flamethrower be reliable enough to have a sustained rate fire or will it give one good fart or even spaced out burst
Two being to dish out that much heat, you cant just stand there and let her rip, you need proper protective equipment just to use this (safely)
Three being its fuel source, what is this bad boy going to run on?
this is kinda a question/statement, if you have real answers, I'd like to hear what ya got to say, you seem to be a creative one- always a good thing lol
Strip the flesh, Salt the Wound!
Poseidon's best friend.
All your post are belong to me.
I sent you a PM with
I sent you a PM with everything you will ever need to know... Bwa ha ha ha...
Damn an blast, that was the best idea I had all week...- blades_dont_need_reloading
It's ok. It's only the internet.