After reading an interesting discussion in the Forums regarding the Cloverfield monster, I have made it a goal of mine to have a plan about what I would do if a gigantic monster attacked.

I will be considering 3 stereotypical giant monsters in this plan, with one method of disposal for each one. The monsters are as follows- The Kraken from the Deep, The Godzilla lizard-dinosaur thing, and the Giant Pterodactyl that picks up cars and drops them on skyscrapers.

The Kraken from the Deep- Assuming the Kraken is the kind that looks like an octopus and pulls boats down into the water, my plan would be to acquire a moderately-sized yacht (not too big, maybe a 5-10 person boat) and fill it to the brim with high explosive with a remote detonator. I would then smear the yacht with fish chum, and fill the upper decks with the fowl fishy-paste and push the craft out to sea. The Kraken would find the fishy stench irresistible and would soon wrap it's foul tentacles across the hull and begin to eat the craft. At such point in time, I would detonate the charges and blow the giant fish to Davy Jone's locker.

The Godzilla lizard-dinosaur Thing- I have sought the most manly possible approach to dealing with this monster, and have finally come up with one that does not end with my untimely demise. So what I have come up with is as follows: I would attach two very durable knives to the bottoms of my boots with duct tape, with the point facing outward, and I would attach a block of C4 to the handle of my Samurai sword with a 10 second fuse. As soon as I have an opportunity to surprise the monster, I will run up to it and climb up it's back (getting support from sticking knife-boots in it's scales/skin) until I reach the back of it's head, and then I'll plunge the explody-samurai sword deep into the creature's neck and pull the pin on the fuse. Hopefully 10 seconds is enough time for me to get off Mr. Godzilla without falling to my death or being exploderated. I would assume the block of C4 would blow the monster's head off... More or less

The Giant Pterodactyl that Picks up Cars and drops them on Skyscrapers- This approach is similar to that of The Kraken from the Deep, but different in vehicular delivery. I would find a Smart car (because no-one likes those and it would be a small loss), and fill it up with gunpowder and nails. I would then use a staple gun to attach 40 pounds of raw bacon to the surface of the car, and then have it towed to the top of a highway overpass. The Giant Pterodactyl would not be able to resist the raw-bacony goodness, and would swoop down to pick up the car. Once it began to fly away with the car, I would either... A. Use a remote detonator to blow up the car and pump the monster full of nails and explosion, or B. Be a manly-man and shoot a flaming arrow at the car as the monster flies away with it, igniting the gunpowder and achieving the same effect as method A. But with a lot more manliness.

THE END, please vote. This deserves an award.