As you all know the zombie uprising is coming ever closer as the testing of our DNA is coming more acceptable. This is one of the main things that will cause the outbreak (either that or Sam Lee's rabies mutation idea). Or a mutated STD which will be spread through sexual activity through men and women, we shall call this virus the M.A.R.I.A virus. Now onto the plan…..

This plan will be set in Bamburgh Castle; the castle is situated on Northumbria coastline. The grounds of the castle altogether span up to around 9 acres. The castle is built on a volcanic dolerite outcrop (Known locally as whinstone for the sound it makes when hit by a stonemasons hammer), and the castle itself is basically on the beach. The highest point of the castle walls is 45 metres above sea level. And the whole western side is inaccessible because it is a sheer 45 meter drop the dolerite outcrop. This castle is really just an all around good fortification.

Class 1 outbreak: When the first sign of the outbreak start to trickle through the media it won’t be very obvious that this is the M.A.R.I.A virus. It will be most likely that it will be only in the local news. The headlines will be something along the lines of ‘Family butchered and murdered by maniac’, when we see a headline like this we look for any other murders in a 10 mile radius, we can also monitor missing peoples around a 20 mile radius. If there are numerous disappearances then we have to get ready for the virus to hit a major city such as London.

Class 2 outbreak: When the first ‘maniac murders’ hit London then this is when we have to start to worry and get ready to move towards Northumbria. London is an overpopulated city and the virus will spread so quickly it will give no time for the government or the rest of country to organise some sort of resistance. The worrying thing is that almost all main roads and train lines go to London, and that with all the people going in and out of London could spread the virus around the country very quickly. Even if there is some sort of quarantine some people could get through unnoticed and it would be too late.

When the virus finally hits the midlands then that is when we go to our storage lockup. Our lockup is on a friend’s farm and it is an old air craft hanger which we have converted ourselves. We have this for the purpose of the zombie attack we have things like non-perishable goods, melee weapons and firearms. All non perishable goods are put in back packs and piled up ready for them to be thrown onto the back of a lorry and drive.

Food and cooking items list:
1. Hexamine Cooker with Re-fill tablets
2. Extra Hexamine Re-fill tablets
3. One Man Operational Ration Packs (enough to last 150 people 10 years between 3,000 and 4,000 calories each ration)
4. 10 Man Central Feeding Ration (used in emergencies only)
5. Water purification tablets and pumps

Melee weapons:
1. Baseball/Cricket bats
2. Katana-Battle ready
3. Battle axe-Battle ready
4. A lot of hammers and crowbars (around 50)
5. 1 useable machete
6. Chainsaw and a nail gun
7. Other garden and industry tools.
8. Spetsnaz knife spring loaded

Firearms:
1. XM8 Assault Rifles with susat sights
2. 6 GPMG
3. 50 sawn off shotguns
4. 50 M1 Carbines
5. SKS-45 Simonov rifle with bayonette
6. Air rifles (these are for training only)
7. 10 Remington 700 rifles with scopes
8. Mk19 only one (limited ammo, only 1000 shots)
9. Underneath the table will be quite a lot of various ammo needed for a sustained resistance against the undead.

Other:
1. Seeds (Basic crops that are easy to grow and eat)
2. Garden Tools for farming
3. Pesticides and fertilizers
4. Maps of both Yorkshire and Northumbria
5. Waterproof matches
6. Binoculars
7. Handheld radio with earpiece
8. Polarized Sunglasses/Aviators
9. First Aid kit
10. Multi tools
11. Signal Flares.
12. Motorola XTL 5000 radios
13. Uniden GMR1038-2CK 22-Channel 10-Mile Two-Way Radios

Note: Farm animals will be borrowed (Stolen) to feed ourselves, in that way we can save the ration packs for when either there is not any offspring of the animals or the crops don’t grow.

We also have a couple of vehicles in the storage lock up this is what we have:
1. 1989 Sheddon Atkinson (X2)
2. 1999 Foden (X2)
3. UH-1H Huey (2 of the GPMG are on this helicopter)
4. 1999 Ford Transit van(X5)
Note: Both HGV have trailers, if anyone asks how I bought a Huey I bought it from this old guy over the internet it was a bargain and still in working order.

We shall take family, friends and friends family (all have to provide transport if they are taking family, canned foods and a sleeping bag or bedroll). Then we shall start our journey up to the castle, we will try and get there as quickly as we can. This way we can set up base and have everything ready for the inevitable wave of the zombie horde. We shall get to the castle by most probably using Satellite Navigation. But if all of the Satellites go down then we will have to resort to maps.

We shall use the main roads to get to the Castle, because we have set off before any confirmation of a outbreak has been released by the government of the MOD there will not be any big rush towards a certain spot causing traffic jams. We shall preferably travel at night because there is hardly any traffic on the roads past 12pm. Our aim is to get to the Castle before sunrise and make camp just outside the castle. We will have to wait for a confirmation by the MOD then we can move in because the police will be concentrating more on the un-dead and not the living trying to find a place to survive.

When we are given the all clear by the MOD we shall then infiltrate the castle. First thing we shall do is unload all of the equipment we have taken from Sheffield and unload all of it into the keep. The second thing is that we need to set a perimeter up and find if there is any way the infected can enter the premises. (This is all of the gatehouses; these will be closed and only opened for raids on shops if there is anything left).

Our GPMG will be set on the towers (Constable tower, Library and clock tower, St Oswalds gate and the keep. This should give us a nice perimeter if the zombies decide to attack these gates. However in the unlikely event of a breach the Men will be fighting with the firearms if the attack is contained in the courtyard. If the attack goes into the castle itself then only melee weapons shall be used as it will not do any damage to the castle or the uninfected that are taking shelter.

All food shall be cooked in the Medieval kitchen, either with the cooking stoves we have provided or the old cooking pots that in the castle. No waste shell be thrown away the waste shall be either thrown into a pot and cooked again as a stew or broth every Monday or vegetables will be thrown to the animals to keep them fat so we can eat them for special occasions. Animals shall be kept in the stables and there excrement used for fertiliser for the farm which will be in the courtyard and the uninfected shall farm this land. Also the sea will be fished and the sea is almost an infinite source of food.

The uninfected either have 5 options of where they can sleep, (uninfected will now be known as the peasants)
1. The keep
2. The Inner ward
3. The towers that are in the castle
4. The kings chamber (this is for the women only, if you get what I mean)
5. And for the trouble makers they sleep in the stables
Peasants shall be entertained nightly with comedic routines provided by Luke Milnes, we shall also try and play music whenever we can but this may get the zombies attention so it will only be played on low levels indoors. Looters will be shot on sight. Thieves will be slashed. Raiders will be either detained or fed to the uninfected or shot in the head. Anyone that has become infected in the camp can either shoot themselves or let a loved one shoot them.

This is basically the plan really I hope you enjoy it but now I’m going to do one of my stories.

We haven’t seen any zombies and I’m wondering now if they will ever reach our little fortress. It is winter and quite a few of the peasants are out tending the crops as usual as some of the men go out looting any shop they can find and trying to find new weapons and survivors. I get a call from one of the peasants on the two way radios. I answer it and all I can hear is gun shots and shouting. Right then I knew that they were here, they were coming. I shouted down BadmanLaverick, BadmanChad and ThePostman, I gave them a briefing on what id just heard and told then to scan the area in the Huey they were on a rescue mission and I did not want to lose any of them to the wretched M.A.R.I.A virus. The propellers whizzed round and the helicopter hovered over the castle and then went hurdling towards the last known point of the Looters.

I gathered up all of the peasants and told them that the uninfected were coming and that some of them may end up losing there lives today, but they would not die in vain they would die for everyone else’s freedom. We quickly manned the GPMG and waited for the arrival of the boys to help. But I had not heard from them for a while know so I called them on the two way radio, I hear BadmanChads voice come on the intercom and it wasn’t something id like to hear ever again
“Fuckoff man these things won’t die I swear down. I swear they are all coming for me man they must know I’m one of the best zombie slayers. HOLY SHIT WERE GOING DOWN!” the radio then went out. I had to think of the worst case scenario, all of my best friends were dead. And now I had to avenge them.

It had been hours since the radio transmission with BadmanChad and this is when I started to get worried about what will become of me when the infected attack the castle. I mean the castle is almost impenetrable but I can not find them all off myself, we only trained the damn peasants with Air rifles and we were shooting at pieces of meat it was hardly going to match up to the real thing. I ran to the kings quarters and opened up the showing cabinet out I pulled my trusty katana. I ran my hand down the blade and it was still as sharp as the first time I layed eyes on it, I grabbed my trench coat off of the hook and put on my serious face I need to show the peasants a leader with no fear. And they are going to get it. I was just about to say a prayer to Chris Redfield when all of a sudden a peasant called Matt Pearce ran into my quarters. I knew he wanted to tell me either one of two things:
1. There was either zombies on the horizon
2. They had found a KFC bargain bucket I had told him to search for.
And I was hoping it was number 2!

I got to the tower as fast as I could with the binoculars to see how many of them there were. When I first saw them I turned to Matt and asked
“Can farts be lumpy”
“No, Luke why did you ask me that?” he asked me sounding confused.
“Oh nothing I just now know that I’ve definitely shit myself” I replied while shaking my leg. I took another look out into the binoculars and saw the undead limping towards us, at this rate it would take at least 15 minutes for them to be in range of the GPMG. When I looked closer to the castle I noticed 3 running backwards, one holding GPMG in each hand shooting towards the horde; I could tell by his height and hair that this was ThePostman. One had a bandana and an eye patch shooting towards them with a pistol; this was BadmanLaverick. The last one was walking idly towards the castle, looking like he was complaining that he had no weapon and could not find one to pick one up; this was BadmanChad. I called them on the 2 way radio, I got an answer from BadmanLaverick but he couldn’t hear me over the constant moan of the zombies and the sound of the GPMG. I got the reply from BadmanLaverick I needed
“Cover me you bunch of limp dick fuckers!”

The boys got to the gatehouse and were banging on the gates frantically now. They were literally 10m away from the gates and I wasn’t going to let them come all this way to die at the gates. I called up 20 peasants to open up the gates while another 2 fire the mounted GPMG on the tower. One by one the crawled in but now they were literally centimetres away. They all got underneath the bridge in time and we were safe. BadmanChad went into his bag and pulled out a red bucket, but this was no ordinary red bucket. This was the KFC bargain bucket, the last edible one ever to be eaten and it was all mine. BadmanChad in turn very tired leant up against the gate, little did he know the zombies could get there arms through the gate. They grabbed him and had bitten his hand. Chad turned to us and said
“It doesn’t matter guys because next round I will spawn with full heal….”
BadmanLaverick in turn shot BadmanChad in the head and said
“Don’t come in with that weak ass Call of Duty shit with me Mo’Fucker”.
But now we have hundreds of thousands of the uninfected rattling against the gates, and I know that we could not shoot them all, but we had no where to run we were trapped in the castle the very thing that kept us safe. I decided on it there and then I took a bite out of the precious chicken leg and said
“Today we fight, today we live, today we will be written in history as the bravest group of survivors that faced the infected. FOR COLNEL SAUNDERS!!!!!”

We got all the men up onto high ground or on the rooftops and set up a neatly run mini army. 5 peasants will open up the gate and let them all flood in. Then we could spray as many of them as we could and hopefully any left could feel the force of my katana. I gave the signal and the gates began to open immediately shots rained down from the heavens. All you could see was a cloud of pink mist, we were taking on the zombie horde and winning.

In all of the excitement I did a back flip off of the rooftop and landed in the courtyard only with my trench coat and katana on my back. Little I had realised that when the guns all needed to be reloaded this would give the zombies more time to enter and fill up the courtyard. This would leave me in a whole heap of shit. But no matter I ran towards them with fire in my belly (probably the spices in the chicken) and started slicing and dicing. I was doing all of my kicks and punches and managed to kill at least 200 of the uninfected on my own. But no one was shooting from above In case a stray bullet got me. Out of nowhere we heard a loud horn, it was coming from the sea. A large ferry was floating by and had the words survivors painted on it. Sam lee got his tongue out of Marias arse and fired a signalling flare. In turn the Ship shot one back.

The peasants and the boys all started running towards the sea all planning to swim to the ferry and then they will be safe as zombies cannot swim. But I was stuck in the courtyard and was trapped. ThePostman shouted down
“Keep fighting Zombie Ninja ill get you out of there”
“No just go, it’s been a honour serving along side you” I replied with a single tear rolling down my cheek. ThePostman blew me a kiss and turned his back and ran for the open sea. I turned around and My mothers zombie coming towards me I got really angry and shouted
“You fat bastard, die!” and sliced off his little fat head. I started to back into a corner now slicing my way to survival, just as I gained some confidence disaster struck. The katana had hit the wall behind me and shattered. The ever enclosing wave of infected limped towards me. Right then I knew I was doomed.

On the boat:

BadmanLaverick: So where is this ship heading?
Captain: The secret KFC spices island supposedly there isn’t any infected there the spices are a cure to the M.A.R.I.A virus.
BadmanLaverick: Ill be happy to serve you aslong as we have a statue of Zombie Ninja.
Captain: Ok we can do that.

They got to the island and the statue was made out of chicken bones bumming Rebbeca Adams and put up immediately it said:

‘Luke Milnes zombie overseer resident evil fan and all round legend, gave his life for the sake of others in the struggle against the M.A.R.I.A virus’

But who said id gave my life away……………..

THE END

Zombie Ninja 13 ©